Last night as I lay sleeping
I died or so it seemed
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream

Up there St Peter met me
Standing at the pearly gates
He said, I must check your record
You know, just in case

I saw that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too
Fact is you've done everything
A good person should never do

We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand and said, "Come in"

He led me to the Big Boss and said
Take her in and treat her well
She used to work for the NHS
She has done her time in hell