Many of you may know that my new year jubilee was spent with much "glee" facing piles of notes, books and self-doubt as I prepared for what must be the toughest exam I've ever had to prepare for. With that over, I must share now the other experience which consumed just as much if not more, my attention, energy and already fragile emotions.

Everywhere on tv(not that I've been watching) and in the papers, I saw fireworks exploding and people cheering till dawn but for a small subset of us, 2005 ended with tears and 2006 started with more tears. My friend's dad passed away near the end of 2005 and a close family friend left us when 2006 was barely 3 days old.

I'm still not sure how to deal with it. Sure, the physical crying has stopped but the all of us who were left behind are reluctant to admit that the crying continues inside. There isn't a day when I wished I took time to call Aunty Kitty when she was back from Hong Kong or even emailed her. Now I wish I could tell her that penguin and the 2 bunnies(some of the soft toys she bought me when I was a kid) are still fine albeit a little dusty.

Suddenly, exams and studying seem so superficial and meaningless. New clothes and shoes appear so stupid. Hours wasted gathering those and days blown away with worrying about my own life and needs now lurk around as ghosts of the past, haunting and challenging me.

In all this, I'm just so grateful I have a God and I'm glad that those that left us shared Him too because He really is the last, remaining connection we have with those we have lost. I guess death in all its gloom and doom decided to give me a few new-year lessons starting with the purpose and meaning of my life. Heck, I already know the answer but I guess I needed a little reminding.